I Am So Disappointed….[December, 2019 CEO Connection]
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” – Alexander Pope, Early 18th Century English Poet
Have you ever thought about why you were disappointed by a certain situation? Have you wondered why some people get frustrated about things that you don’t? Would you like not to be disappointed? What would you say if I could break it down into an easy equation? By the end of my column, I plan on giving you the tools to change your life and help provide the satisfaction you deserve.
Sometimes we say we are disappointed and other times we just think it, but I believe we have all gone through some kind of disappointment in our lives. The above quote makes me smile because everyone, including Jesus, has an expectation. Jesus’s expectation of us was pretty simple as stated in Matthew 22:37- 40 ,King James Version (KJV): “Jesus said unto him, ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”
As a Christian and human being, I feel it is my responsibility to learn new things and teach those things to others. I did not get to where I am in life without taking the advice from others, receiving mentoring from people, asking for help, and reflecting on myself. No one is perfect, including myself. In Romans 3:10 ESV, it says: “None is righteous, no, not one.” We have all been provided strengths and weaknesses so that we need one another and that is what builds a great team.
Knowing that I am not perfect and that I have been disappointed in the past, I decided that I would go to some training from people who thoroughly developed the skills of relationships. (For anyone who is interested, it is The Center for Relationship Education. They provide some awesome professional and/or family relationship training.) They taught me the formula, that if you experience disappointment, you need to have…
The formula is:
E > R = D and E <= R = S
You are probably wondering why am I giving you math lessons… the formula states this: if your expectations are greater than your reality than you will be disappointed. If your expectations are less than or equal to your reality, you will be satisfied. For me, this is very apparent when it comes from kids. If I have to ask for my son to take out the trash, I become disappointed. My expectations are that he knows it is his job to help and he will help without be asked. My disappointment comes into play when I have to tell him again. When he takes it out before I ask, I am thoroughly satisfied. So first, why do I have that expectation, and then second, how did I not communicate things correctly.
Knowing that we may not knowwhy we expect things, we have to first be self-aware. If someone is unaware of our expectation or if it was unspoken, then we will most likely be disappointed. If we are asking for something unreasonable of the person, we will most likely be disappointed. If the person is just unwilling to do something, we will again be disappointed. If you focus on changing the things that you can’t change (like the other person), you will most likely be disappointed.
So what can you do? First, make sure you become aware of what you are asking. Next, make sure what you are asking is reasonable. Next, make sure to explain the desired outcome and when you would like to see the desired outcome. Finally, we have to make sure the person is willing to take on the task. There may be something about the task that is causing the unwillingness, so make sure to ask questions and acquire the knowledge so you know the reasons. The key step is to verify information by having the person repeat back what they heard. It may sound weird to do this, but every person can hear things differently.
What does it hurt to try it? Would it make a difference in your life if you where more satisfied than disappointed?
Romans 2:1-4 ESV: Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things.
Please see www.myrelationshipcenter.org if you would like to get the training firsthand. I care about people and I care about relationships. God Bless and until next time!